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How to Set up a Roleplay with a Partner

Updated: Nov 2, 2020

Open heart to heart communication is always the beginning point of exploring your desires and expanding your unique erotic worlds together.

Next it’s about having fun, researching, dressing up, writing a script and trying some improvisation.

Set a time aside to discuss some of your fantasies with your partner, or just one fantasy. Listen to each other’s stories, without interrupting, just absorb them and view from a neutral place of no judgement and with curiosity.

No judgment is the only way to play, so we remain free from the emotional torment of judging other’s behaviours or beliefs.

Individual self-acceptance and then mutual acceptance and autonomy is how a healthy relationship flourishes.

Creating roleplays together and exploring unknown areas of ourselves has many physiological and psychological benefits.


1. Determine your needs

a. Each person consider what they would like to get out of the engagement. Is it to simply act out being someone else for a while & to see your partner differently, is it to walk on the razor’s edge with taboo, is it to research something that intrigues you but you don’t know much about? Is it to culminate in a particular sex position or shared orgasmic space?

b. Share your needs and desires with your partner in a safe confidential space

2. Choose a location/ theme/ archetypal roleplay that may allow your needs to be met. You may simply choose an archetype that you both have a connection with. Or you may want to be specific and pretend you are a captain of a helicopter ferrying smoking hot women to their dates in the Bahamas…. who knows?

3. Discuss the script like why are you here together? How have you met? Who else is there? What is the background story? What is the tension that you want resolved? Write a loose script. Perhaps determine stages ie. beginning, middle, end, if that’s easier

4. Make an agreement

a. Appoint who is leading and who is following / dominating, submitting

The person who is following is actively engaged, giving suggestions and talking with their body. The person leading is being innovative and taking risks to improvise and read the response of the follower

b. Discuss and agree to respect any boundaries of physical touch, types of play, pain thresholds, certain sex acts etc.

c. Agree on a safe word that means you want to stop

5. Consider the scene of the roleplay, and gather props that support your chosen theme

6. Have fun with the costumes! Take this opportunity to dress up for the fun of it. You don’t even have to leave the bedroom, so it can be wild ;-) Decide on your role and research if you have to. What could you wear (or not wear) to feel you like you can slip into the role with grace and power?

7. Make it happen!

8. Debrief and have a chat about what you really loved!, what went really well, what didn’t go so well perhaps, what happened if there was a safe word called, how do you both feel now? What would you like to explore next?

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