Updated: Jun 2, 2022
Ben and I share our fantasies. Especially when in each other’s arms, basking in the afterglow of great sex.
A common thread keeps emerging for me. I strongly desire to be intimate with a woman. Not necessarily going 'all the way', but something keeps pulling me towards enjoying sensual touch and erotic play with a female. The thought that makes it even hotter for me was imagining Ben being involved, him being so turned on at the sight of me with a woman and enjoying embracing us both in his big arms.
I discover an ad in the local newspaper that spikes my curiosity. 'Sensual play for bi-curious couples' Perfect! I think, as lately Ben and I had been talking more seriously about initiating a threesome, but every time either of us suggested someone (either a friend or acquaintance) that we could possibly invite in, one of us got jealous and it usually ended in a disagreement about something.
We excitedly book the appointment online and wait for our phone call consultation with Justine. We have a three-way chat that helped settle our nerves. Justine is warm and candid but very professional. She explains that she is a trained couples counsellor and facilitator of new experiences.
She discusses things that we hadn't even thought about and puts a language to some of the fears that we had both been feeling, but were unable to pinpoint.
Like power and control. I had been worried that I may feel like something is happening that we don't fully understand and start to feel as though the experience is happening “to us'”, like a feeling of being out of control, rather than feeling like we are each co-creating a positive experience.
Justine talks about the importance of establishing an agreed dialogue, words that means 'pause' and motions that mean 'slow down'. At any time throughout the play session all three of us are encouraged to speak up. If we need a moment to pause and chat, Justine explains that she is there as a mediator, who holds space.
Another really big one is the concern of jealousy. I sometimes get jealous when another woman flirts with Ben when we go out. Ben is very protective of me, sometimes to the point of being possessive. So, we both had our doubts as to whether we would even be able to relax enough to enjoy the moment. Justine explains that she is very sensitive and aware in session to the subtleties of energy flowing between everyone and it is an inclusive environment.
We think about all of this and feel confident, so we book for the next day, in case we chickened out.
I can tell you the session was one of the most amazing, liberating sexual experiences of my life.
We did have to slow down and pause a few times, but because we knew the rules it did feel like a playful cheeky game. It was fun, we laughed, a bit naughty but also deeply caring and nourishing. I actually feel closer to Ben and he has told me that he feels like a deeper trust has come into our relationship since the session.
We have been imagining different scenarios whilst fantasizing together lately and would like to try to bring in some character and role playing to our next session with Justine. I'm so grateful that we can explore this side of my sexuality without it being a threat to our relationship.
"Now when we're out. At a party and I see a woman flirting with Ben I don't straight away go into jealousy; I imagine instead seducing her and the three of us having a good time together"
I don't actually want to explore this as an option and prefer to keep my bi-curious experimentation in a safe environment with Justine, but it has helped me evolve in my relationship to a point where I feel more secure in myself.
Thalia* Byron Bay