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How to talk to your partner about sexual exploration, with someone else...

Updated: Feb 5, 2020

You love your partner. You love having sex with your partner. And yet your fantasies tell a different story. Unfortunately we have been programmed into believing that fantasies involving another person are unfaithful, unacceptable, and to be repressed at all costs.

This is despite the fact that we all crave a bit of surprise and novelty! Despite the fact that we all change and grow and evolve in our desires! We all have a habit of going into automatic pilot in relationships, so why are we so scared of shaking things up, introducing something, or someone new?

If you feel that this is just what you need to rekindle your passion, good for you! But you may have to get over another hurdle first. Bringing it up with your partner.

Will they be offended? Shocked? Upset? Horny?

How exactly do you explain your needs and fantasies without it ending in a royal mess?

1. First of all, feel out your partner's thoughts around sexual exploration in general. If they're not even up for a new position, then you have a way to go before introducing another person into the mix.

2. Talk about your desires, challenges, and fears with your partner (but not whilst you're having sex).

3. Be mindful to not blame them, but take ownership for your own behaviour. For instance, you can say "I'd love to know how you feel or what you want, but I've been too shy to ask, or to express those things to you. I'd really love it if we'd open up to each other around this stuff, what do you think?"

4. If they're open and wanting to revive your intimate sex life, you can then introduce the idea of new positions, or sex toys. See how this goes over time.

5. When the time is right, you can communicate that in your research for ways to enhance your love-making, you discovered that there are erotic artists who specifically work with couples. Point out that it's an adventure that couples go on together, and that it's not about sex with someone else. It is a great opportunity to learn new things about yourself, and each other.

6. If they're on board, it's time to look at the options!

TOJ offers couples packages that are perfect for first-timers. Here are a few things you can expect in with TOJ services for couples:

  • Start by getting to know each other in a relaxed setting. Remember, this is an experience to celebrate, as it shows your willingness to expand into new fields together.

  • Receive a remedial massage from a qualified masseuse, who is open to dialogue about your desires and fantasies.

  • Be guided in a taboo-free space with an erotic artist of your sexual/gender preference.

  • The introduction of 3 Way Play in a safe consensual environment allows you to explore your boundaries and fantasies without fear or judgement.

  • Choose a TOJ erotic artist who is also a qualified counsellor, and use their experience to go deep into sexual and emotional issues.

  • Enjoy a fun, no strings attached, clean and safe interaction with therapists dedicated to your pleasure.

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